You Know What Matters—But Speaking Up Feels Hard. Here’s How to Find Your Voice in Birth and Motherhood
You know what matters to you.
You’ve thought it through. You’ve prayed over it.
You want a birth experience that aligns with your values—where your needs are respected and your voice is heard. You want to postpartum & motherhood decisions to flow naturally. You don’t want to depend on everyone else to make decisions for you. You don’t even want to depend on the “professionals” to make decisions for you!
But when it comes time to speak up?
You freeze.
You second-guess yourself.
You feel like you have to explain or justify your choices—or worse, like your preferences don’t matter.
Maybe you’ve felt dismissed by a provider.
Maybe you’ve had someone roll their eyes at your birth plan.
Maybe you're just tired of feeling like your voice isn’t being heard.
If that’s you—you’re not weak, you’re not dramatic, and you’re not alone. I felt this way when I was newly postpartum with my 3rd baby and it was HARD. Especially when I felt like as a doula & childbirth educator I should KNOW all of these things. But, I needed constant reminders and gut checks before it came more easily.
Finding and using your voice in birth and motherhood isn’t always easy—but it’s deeply important, and it can be learned.
Here’s how to begin.
1. Know That Your Voice Is Worthy—Even Before You Speak
Before you advocate for yourself, before you express a preference, before you ask the question or say “no thank you,” you need to believe this:
Your voice matters because you matter.
You don’t need to sound like an expert to speak with authority. You don’t need perfect words or a detailed argument.
You just need the confidence to know that your experience, your body, and your motherhood journey are worth honoring.
🌟Reflect on your non-negotiables—what truly matters to you about birth and motherhood
🌟Write them down and begin owning them, even if just to yourself
🌟Remind yourself: “God chose me for this. My instincts, values, and boundaries are enough.”
2. Prepare Ahead of Time What You Want to Say
When you’re tired, emotional, or caught off guard, it’s hard to speak clearly—especially in a setting where you already feel vulnerable. That’s why preparing your words ahead of time can make all the difference.
🌟Write out 1–2 sentences you’d like to say during appointments, at your birth, or in conversations where you typically shrink back
🌟Practice saying them out loud so they feel natural.
Examples:
“I’d like to ask a few questions before we make a decision.”
“We need more time to think about this.”
🌟Take time to pray about it ahead of time—ask God to give you clarity and courage for the conversations ahead
You don’t have to wing it. You can walk in prepared and grounded.
3. Practice Advocacy in Safe, Everyday Spaces
You don’t have to wait until labor day to find your voice.
Start now, in small ways, where the stakes are lower—but the confidence still grows.
🌟At your next prenatal appointment, ask one honest question you’ve been holding back
🌟Share your birth preferences with your support person and ask them to practice different scenarios with you
🌟If a friend or relative gives unwanted advice, practice saying, “Thanks for sharing. We’re doing what feels right for our family.”
Every time you speak up, especially when it feels awkward, you’re building the strength you’ll need in those more tender moments of motherhood.
Need someone to practice with? Schedule a FREE CALL today!
4. Let Go of Needing Everyone to Understand
This one can be hard—especially if you’re someone who avoids conflict or just wants peace.
But the truth is, you don’t need everyone to agree with your decision for it to be the right one for you.
Not your provider. Not your parents. Not social media.
Birth and motherhood are personal—and you get to do them your way.
🌟Instead of over-explaining, try simple, respectful phrases like:
“This is what I’ve decided.”
“That doesn’t feel like the right choice for us.”
“We’re going to talk about it and wait before making that
decision.”
Give yourself permission to value peace within over peace with everyone else
Your job isn’t to manage everyone’s opinions. It’s to honor your intuition and your role as the one entrusted with this child.
Finding Your Voice
Finding your voice isn’t about being loud.
It’s about being clear.
It’s about being steady.
It’s about remembering that you are the expert on your body, your birth, and your baby—and that your voice, guided by prayer and grounded in truth, deserves to be heard.
You don’t have to get it perfect. You just have to keep showing up—with faith, with grace, and with the quiet strength that says:
“I was made for this.”
Want More Support as You Step Into Your Power?
You were never meant to stay silent. Let’s walk this out together—one conversation, one prayer, one empowered step at a time.
